Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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