Dude my mom stole all your condoms
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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