i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
