Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
