I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
