I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
