I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
