I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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