Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize