we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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