i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
