Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize