i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
