i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
