I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize