Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
