sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
