Apparently you make a good broom.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
