the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
