i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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