my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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