i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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