Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
