Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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