guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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