Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
