watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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