i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
