wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
And then he peed in my hair
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