I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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