New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
