i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
