Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
