This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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