it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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