she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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