I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
