Come see our sink grown plant.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
