drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
