Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
