I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
