i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
