i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
