there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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