well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want nice things and good sex
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
