Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Panties = found
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
