Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
