I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
