shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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