I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
