Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
