absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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