Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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