STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize