You really coming over, don't trick.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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