so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
