I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
