he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
