oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
