I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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