So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize