Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
