Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
