i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
