I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
